For those of you who don’t bother with the nation’s favourite waste of time – otherwise known as the social networking website Facebook! - this is the first part of a compilation of my ‘status updates’ on Facebook from the last few weeks.

Given that I don’t seem to ever find the time these days to update my blog here on www.softbulletin.co.uk, this will give those of you who are sufficiently interested in my antics a vague insight into what I’ve been up to lately…

Rich thanks everyone who's sponsored him for his appearance last week on Trafalgar Square's Fourth Plinth. The total raised is now over £300! If you'd like to add to this amount, please visit www.plinthparrot.co.uk. Rich will be keeping this site up and running until the end of the month, but will then be closing it down so he can work out a final total and get a cheque off to the National Parrot Sanctuary...

Tuesday 22^nd September 2009

Rich and Miss Brown have decided they're going to take the plunge and live together! Though to be fair, it probably won't make a huge amount of difference - after all, Em has long since assumed control of numerous aspects of domestic life within Fisher Towers.. not least her habit of filling Rich's Skyplus box with all manner of 'Make Me a Supermodel'-type programmes!

Wednesday 23rd September 2009

Rich suspects a lot of music fans will be in mourning today, following the bombshell yesterday that Cockney knees-up legends Chas & Dave have decided to split up! For Rich, the news brought back memories of an unfortunate episode back in 2007 when he himself nearly ended up getting sued by the 'Snooker Loopy' duo! Bit of a long story..!

Thursday 24^th September 2009

Rich  is really enjoying his job at the mo. Today he's doing an assembly - and he's decided to base it on the lyrics from 'Two Little Boys' by Rolf Harris! Next week meanwhile, to mark Nottingham's famous Goose Fair, Rich's class will be making model dodgems! Any empty margarine tubs, please send 'em this way..!

Friday 25^th September 2009

Rich  played footy last night wearing a pair of shorts that were once part of the Blackburn Rovers reserve team kit. Bit of a long story as to how they ended up in Rich's possession! Rich would however like to thank his brother for pointing out that the shorts may have once been worn by Robbie Savage - and furthermore, that the most punchable man in football may have also once farted in them! Cheers Al..!

Saturday 26^th September 2009

Rich  had a great night out last night with his school colleagues, and feels lucky to work with so many tremendous people. A special mention must go to the comedy genius Mrs Gospel, whose well-rehearsed 'falling backwards off stool' routine brought immense mirth to the assembled hordes! Oh, and Miss Willis too - whose recent engagement was the whole reason for the shindig in the first place..!

Sunday 27th September 2009

Rich  has discovered this weekend that he's made the news pages of the latest edition of 'Cage and Aviary Birds' magazine - his second appearance in this noble publication in a matter of weeks! The headline for the story is 'Plinth man raises cash for parrot sanctuary' - and this has tickled Rich no end. 'Plinth man' - it sounds like the name of some kind of superhero..!

Monday 28th September 2009

Rich  has had a busy weekend - so much so that it feels like he's going back to work today for a bit of a rest! Friday night was an engagement booze-up, Saturday night was a birthday booze-up... although ultimately, the most decadent event of the last few days was actually during Saturday daytime, when Rich attended a one-year-old's birthday party! Rock'n'roll..!

Tuesday 29^th September 2009

Rich  had an enormous hammer blow dealt to his masculinity last night, when he went to B&Q but couldn't locate the piece of hardware he was after - thus resulting in him having to ask a member of staff to help. Aforesaid member of staff gazed upon Rich with pity, in that way that B&Q employees are presumably trained to do whenever they encounter men who clearly know shit all about DIY and tools and stuff..!

Wednesday 30th September 2009

Rich has been reading the autobiography of Jeff Stelling, genial host of TV's 'Soccer Saturday'. Very entertaining - particularly Jeff's explanation of the format of his own show: "The programme doesn't show any actual real football. There are no goals, shots or near misses - so it's a bit like watching Derby County"!

Thursday 1^st October 2009

Rich  , now it's October, feels like the grim reaper of time is beginning to close in on that period of life known as his twenties! Significant milestones on this descent into middle age are starting to become a daily ocurrence. Last night for instance, he watched his final Forest match as a 20-something. Happily, they won 2-0. You Reds!

Friday 2^nd October 2009

Rich  is off tonight for a mooch around Nottingham's legendary Goose Fair, where he's muchly looking forward to partaking in the traditional local delicacy that is mushy peas with mint sauce! If he's feeling particularly adventurous, he may also sample another of the fair's famous delicacies - yes, the iconic 'cock on a stick'! And yes, that's cock as in 'cockerel'. Stop sniggering at the back now..!

Saturday 3^rd October 2009

Rich  and the gang muchly enjoyed their trip last night to Nottingham's legendary Goose Fair! Lots of cliches were successfully ticked off - including a visit to the freak show and its infamous two-headed trout, and Rich winning his missus a crap cuddly toy on one of the sideshows like the suave so-and-so that he quite evidently is!

Sunday 4^th October 2009

Rich is recovering from an awesome night out in Leeds celebrating his mate JHH's 30th! For the main part of the shindig, JHH had hired a private karaoke room - where several entertaining hours were spent murdering various classics! Randomly, the night also involved an encounter with notorious former international drug smuggler Howard Marks!

Monday 5^th October 2009

Rich is off to start a new week on the primary education frontline - and is hoping for a nice quiet one after the madness of last week's Goose Fair theme week! That said, aforesaid theme week saw Rich make a useful discovery - namely, that the kids in his class will all work like trojans if you tell them that a tin of mushy peas is up for grabs as a prize to the hardest worker of the day..!

Tuesday 6^th October 2009

Rich  has signed up as a volunteer to answer phones for Children in Need next month! It'll be the seventh successive year Rich has done it - & as in previous years, he's being proper hardcore and working 'All Night Long'! This gruelling shift is known to Children in Need veterans as 'the Lionel' - & in tribute, Rich is toyin...g with the idea of dressing up as Lionel Richie! Anyone know where one can buy a rubber Lionel mask?

Wednesday 7^th October 2009

Rich  is traversing his final few days of bachelorhood before Em officially moves into his house at the weekend. It's all very exciting really! Though Rich still isn't quite sure exactly how he's going to find enough space in his gaff for Miss Brown's plethora of dresses and shoes..!

Thursday 8^th October 2009

Rich wishes to purge his soul of sin, and thus hereby confesses to his latest televisual guilty pleasure - namely, Masterchef! It's quality TV - largely due to the hilarity of Greg Wallace, one of the judges. He's basically a tubby Phil Collins lookalike who's really angry all the time. Last night, it looked like he was act...ually going to smack one of the contestants just because he'd undercooked a pork chop!

Friday 9^th October 2009

Rich  went last night to see a David Bowie tribute artist! It was very entertaining, with 'Dave' starting off rocking the jumpsuit and crimson mullet of Ziggy Stardust-era Bowie... before disappearing off stage momentarily and then reappearing in the sharp suit and braces of 80s Bowie! Sadly though there was no further change to 'Gobin King from the Labyrinth' Bowie..!

Saturday 10^th October 2009

Rich  is looking forward today to catching up over lunch with his mate Charles, who's up in Nottingham on a bit of a flying visit. As well as being an all-round cool guy, Charles happens to be an enviably talented photo journalist. He has a website with loads of his photos on it that's well worth a look - if any of you are interested, it's at www.charles-fox.net/news

Sunday 11^th October 2009

Rich  and Em embark today on their first full day of living in sin, what with Miss Brown having officially moved into Fisher Towers yesterday! Happily, the big move went very smoothly, with Rich somehow managing to transport all of Em's possessions in just one trip! If cramming the most amount of stuff into a Renault Megane was an Olympic sport, Rich would definitely be a gold medallist!

Monday 12^th October 2009

Rich  has had a great weekend, spending quality time with friends and family. He also spent Sunday morning being filmed stumbling around Nottingham wearing lots of make-up, having agreed to appear as an extra in a zombie film that his mates Steve and Susan are making! Rich wore a Forest shirt whilst doing this, which will hopefully be visible in the finished film when it's completed!

Tuesday 13^th October 2009

Rich  is 30 today, and wishes to say a big thanks to everyone who's sent him birthday greetings and gifts. Miss Brown in particular has outdone herself. In honour of the fixation Rich has had with trucks ever since he first saw the film 'Convoy' on telly when he was about four, she has bought him a voucher to do a 'truck driving experience'! Ten four good buddies - watch out for them smokeys...!

Wednesday 14^th October 2009

Rich  had an awesome birthday! At work, everyone was really nice to him all day - kids included! - with some people even getting him presents! Special mention on that front must go to Mr Savage, who ceremonially presented Rich with a single Wagon Wheel! After getting home meanwhile, Rich had an epic Indian banquet cooked for him by his girlfriend! A good start then, all in all, to the dreaded thirties..!

Thursday 15^th October 2009

Rich  enjoyed watching the England footy team's 3-0 win against Belarus last night. For Rich, highlight of the match was every time the commentary team on telly mentioned the name of one of one of the Belarussian defenders - the brilliantly-Christened Igor Shitov! The campaign for Forest to sign Shitov starts here - the potential for funny songs would be endless. "You're Shitov, and you know you are.." etc!