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September 29 Bottles and cans and just clap your hands and just clap your hands...Can anyone remember the days when you used to get bottles of milk from the milkman with adverts printed on them? (Or indeed, can anyone remember the days when you used to get bottles of milk from the milkman?!) If so - well, my Gran was recently clearing out a load of junk from her garage, and duly discovered boxes upon boxes of these bottles that my Grandad had collected. Ever a pair of deluded optimists, my brother Al and I were like "Wow, maybe these are collectors' items" - and so as an experiment, we decided to slap a few of them on eBay, envisaging a bidding frenzy that would result in me, him and my Gran splitting the proceeds three ways and each being able to retire to our own private island in the Caribbean! Sadly, this has not quite happened - as five days into the auction, none of the bottles have attracted a single bid! Not even the one advertising a panto in Nottingham starring Leslie 'Dirty Den' Grantham! If any of you happen to know anyone out there who may be interested though in the bottles, feel free to tell them to click here, which takes you to the eBay listings! September 27 You're trying hard not to show it, baby... but baby, baby I know it...As anyone who knows me even vaguely well will probably know, I have a tendency to squander hundreds of hours and pounds each year in the name of watching the mighty Nottingham Forest Football Club.
A lot of people who aren't football fans tend to be quite baffled by my unwavering devotion to a team who have frankly been pretty rubbish for more years that I care to remember. I try to explain to them that supporting Forest is a bit like syphillis - once you've got the bug, you've got it for life!
In all seriousness though, what is it that keeps me renewing my season ticket year after year? Well, for any of you who've ever wondered, I recently got asked to write an article tackling this very question. I suspect the article in question will never actually see the light of day in the publication for which it was intended - so here it is now, in its full glory!
Without further a do...
If there’s one thing that can be said for being a Forest fan, it’s probably the fact that it’s never, ever dull. Ever since my dad first took me to a match as a wide-eyed nine-year-old in the late 1980s, I’ve followed the Reds with a passion – and from the sublime to the ridiculous, there’s seldom been a season that hasn’t provided reasons to be delirious with excitement or incandescent with rage. Or sometimes both, in the space of the same 90 minutes!
But it’s the happy memories that linger the longest… and there have been plenty of them during my time as a fan.
Various trips to Wembley… bunking off school during my GCSE year to go and watch Forest away in Europe during the Uefa Cup run of the 1995-96 season… a hilarious own goal by Gary Charles that pretty much secured promotion back to the Premiership for Forest in 1994 - on the ground of their biggest rivals Derby, no less … a whole selection of thundering Stuart Pearce free-kicks… queuing overnight to get tickets for an away match at Tottenham for which Forest had only been allocated 300 seats… meeting Brian Clough and having the great man tell me to “get a bloody hair cut”… the list is almost endless.
But if I had to stick my neck out and pick my very favourite moments of being a Forest fan, it would have to be two of the more ‘quirky’ experiences that I’ve had – the first of which occurred, of all places, at the Glastonbury music festival.
Like most football fans, I’ve accumulated a pair amount of memorabilia over the years relating to my team – and one of the more peculiar items that I own is a lifesize cardboard cut-out of the aforementioned Stuart Pearce!
Now for no particular reason other than the fact that we thought it’d be quite funny, my friends and I decided to take Stuart to Glastonbury with us in the summer of 2003 – and he became a sort of mascot for the weekend as we enjoyed the sights and sounds of the festival.
Being a national hero and all, Stuart duly gained a lot of attention from our fellow festival-goers. But it was only when I was approached by a journalist that ‘Psycho-mania’ truly kicked off.
The journo in question wanted to know why we had brought Stuart with us – and being of the view that the truth was a bit mundane, I brazenly informed him that we were the founders of the ‘Church of Psycho’, and that we were at Glastonbury to recruit disciples!
Hilariously, this story somehow made it into the national news – and as word spread around the festival site, we found ourselves getting mobbed wherever we went by people wanting to pledge their allegiance to the church! Stuart also ended up having the Manic Street Preachers dedicate a song to him during their set on the festival’s main stage!
But the funniest part of the whole episode actually occurred a few weeks after we got home. Concerned that the real Stuart Pearce may have heard about our exploits and that he might be wondering what was going on in his name, I decided to write to him, care of Manchester City Football Club, to explain the whole saga. And hilariously, I quickly received a reply.
“Thank you for taking me to Glastonbury,” his letter read. “It’s been a while since I’ve done any drunken crowd-surfing at a festival!” It was then signed ‘Stuart Pearce, Cardboard Cutout and Coach’. Legend!
Meanwhile, my other ‘favourite memory’ took place in May 2004, when I got to do what I‘d always dreamed of doing as a kid.
Yes, I pulled on a Forest shirt and played a full 90 minutes of football on the hallowed turf of the City Ground!
This opportunity came about through a charity called Football Aid. Each year, they get clubs to give up their ground facilities for a day – and then host a match, with each playing position auctioned off to the highest bidder.
After a furious bidding war, I successfully acquired the number nine shirt for one of the two teams. I paid a silly amount of money, but it turned out to be worth every penny! Not only did my team-mates and I get to turn out on the field of dreams, we also got to use the real Forest dressing rooms! What’s more, we also had the legendary former Reds captain John McGovern on hand as our manager for the day!
So what of the match? Well, the crowd admittedly wasn’t quite the usual 20,000 or so – but nevertheless, I spent much of the first half simply wandering around the lush turf, gazing up at the stands in awe! This probably explains why I barely had a sniff of a chance, and my team went in at half-time 2-1 down.
However, at this point we were roused into action by some inspiring words of encouragement from our ‘gaffer’ McGovern – and within minutes of the restart, as we attacked the Bridgford End, a loose ball fell to me just outside of the six yard box… and I’m proud to say that I thumped it emphatically into the back of the net to level the scores.
Suffice to say, regardless of what happens over the decades to come, I’m pretty sure The Day I Scored At the City Ground will forever remain one of my favourite moments as a Reds fan!
As it happened, it was also a key turning point in this admittedly meaningless charity game - because having hauled ourselves level, my team went on to win 7-4! September 24 Check out guitar George - he knows all the chords...So, another week over. Where does the time go? It'll be Christmas before we know it!
What to report then?
Well, three things of note happened this week.
1) As part of my day job, I had to go and visit an organisation that provides services for Asian people with mental health problems. And as part of this visit, I ended up blagging the most amazing veggie curry for lunch! It was the most delicious thing I've eaten in ages...
2) I went to a wedding yesterday - that of my friends Martin and Kate. I've just added a load of pics to my photo album if anyone's interested. It was a great day, and the undisputed highlight was a moment during the evening reception that can only be described as a Dire Straits love-in!
Martin, you see, is legendary for his unbridled passion for the Straits song 'Money for Nothing' - and so naturally, it was only fitting on his wedding day to get his guests to recreate the song's legendary video! This was achieved by having white headbands handed out to everyone, and then blitzing the room with purple UV lights as the song blared out of the speakers. It was amazing!
Have added a clip of Straits-mana to YouTube, along with a few other clips from the day - as follows...
3) Having grown up in part of Nottingham called Mapperley, it was a source of great intrigue to me recently when I discovered that there's actually a second Mapperley in the UK - and that it's only actually about ten miles away, just over the Derbyshire border!
Naturally, I seemed rude not to go and visit - so I duly arranged an outing there today with my brother Al, his girlfriend Cat, and my Gran!
A very pleasant place it was too - and again, I've uploaded some pics to my photo album if anyone's interested... September 19 The Arcadian dream has all fallen through, but the Albion sails on course, so man the decks and hoist the rigging, because the pig man's found the source...I always like to 'do my bit' to help support worthy causes - and so I hereby feel it's my duty to announce that today is 'International Talk Like a Pirate Day'!
Full details can be found by clicking here. Yarr! September 17 Throw your love around - love me, love me...I got told this weekend by someone that, in profile, I apparently bear a striking resemblence to the actor Paul Walker of '2 Fast 2 Furious' fame.
Not being much a film buff, I must confess I hadn't even heard of the thesp in question! I just Googled him though to find a picture (see below), and it turns out he's not a bad-looking bloke!
So I guess it must have been a compliment really. Who knows, maybe I could get paid shitloads of cash to be his 'body double' in his next film?! September 15 If you don’t give me my football back I’m gonna get my dad on you…Most people who know me will be well aware of the fact that one of my favourite pastimes in life is to charging around a five-a-side football pitch. Footy is certainly not referred to as ‘the beautiful game’ without reason – however, five-a-side can be quite vicious of times, and the regular Thursday night kickabout that I’m involved in has seen quite a few injuries in recent weeks… and I myself was the latest casualty in this week’s game! It all happened when I took my turn to go in goal. Usually I’m pretty useless in goal, but on this occasion I’m proud to say that I pulled off a string of cat-like saves. However, the force of one particular shot saw my right thumb bent in a direction that it’s not really supposed to go in – resulting in pain which saw me quickly hotfooting it down to our local hospital’s A&E department! Fortunately, an X-ray proved that I’d not broken anything – however, I have damaged some of the ligaments round my thumb, and promptly had my arm put in a sling by the nurses. Which was kinda cool - cos having your arm in a sling sort of makes you look like a pirate. And as everyone knows, pirates are ace! Joking aside though, I must say, I was most impressed by the speed of service at the hospital. I was in and out in little more than half an hour. As I know only too well from my own ‘day job’, people are always quick to give the NHS a good kicking – so it’s only fair to give credit where credit’s due… And happily, a night’s sleep spent with my thumb resting on the proverbial bag of frozen peas has led to a marked improvement, enabling me to ditch the sling. This was a relief, because the novelty of looking a bit like a pirate had worn off pretty quickly as soon as I began to discover what a struggle it was having to perform all manner of routine day-to-day tasks with just my left hand. Getting change out of my pocket for the bus, getting the top off a bottle, locking and unlocking doors…. the not to mention visits to the toilet!!! I guess it just goes to show how we take things for granted in life. All in all, the whole saga has only served to increase the amount of respect I have for the one-armed drummer dude out of Def Leppard! September 13 In an interstellar burst, I'm back to save the universe...I love the fact that the world is full of creative people who clearly have too much time on their hands.
September 10 Something beautiful left town; and she doesn't even know it's name...Of the many pleasures that there are to be had in life, I find sometimes that you simply can't beat a good road trip!
My brother Al and me decided to embark upon such an adventure this weekend, down to the west country. Setting off in my trusty Corsa, laden with snacks and with my iPod providing the musical accompaniment, we naturally felt like characters out of a Jack Kerouac novel.
Unlike Dean Moriarty though in 'On the Road', our main motive was to go and cheer on Nottingham Forest in their game away at Yeovil Town.
However, having discovered that it was situated less than an hour from Yeovil, we also decided to fit in a visit to Monkey World in Dorset. The name is pretty much self-explanatory!
So how was the day? Well, I'm pleased to report that the monkeys were brilliant... and though the match wasn't hugely exciting, Forest nevertheless managed to scrape a win to keep their place at the top of the league.
We also made a spontaneous detour on the way home to the Dorset village Cerne Abbas, which is famous for a hill that has a massive picture carved into it of a "naked, sexually aroused, club-wielding giant". These, incidentally, are the words of the National Trust website - not mine!
The Cerne Abbas Giant was certainly an interesting sight - check out the road trip photo gallery if you want to take a look at him!
So, anything else to report? Well, we also had the amusement on the M42 on the way home of spotting BBC Radio Nottingham's commentary team for Forest matches, including the legendary John McGovern, who were also making their way back from the game.
Needless to say, I couldn't resist overtaking them and giving them a cheery "Duh, duh, duh-duh, dub" on the horn! They initially looked quite alarmed - though we had a red and white scarf flying out of the car window, so they probably worked out pretty quickly that we were just a pair of Forest nutters..!
All in then, a pretty cool weekend. Also saw Badly Drawn Boy play a gig at the Rescue Rooms in Nottingham the night before the big road trip, which was ace! September 06 If time is like a broken watch, I'll make money like Fred Astaire...So, just got back from my final music festival of 2006 - which, as far as I'm concerned, means it's now officially the end of the summer.
Sniff!
Still, my trip to Ireland's Electric Picnic with my good friend Zippy was a marvellous way to end the few warm months that our wonderous nation can be bothered to bestow upon us. It truly is a great festival. I mean, how can you not love an event that has a cinema tent that shows the classic late-80s flick 'Weekend at Bernie's'?!
Probably the best tall tale of the weekend involves a certain Manchester singer-songwriter who'd better remain nameless. Shortly before the festival, we had heard from a cast-iron source that aforesaid singer and his backing band recently had an 'interesting' encounter with a very famous female TV presenter - and as such, we decided it was only fair to launch a few heckles when they took to the stage. "Norman Cook says you're all dead!" may or may not have been among that things that we shouted..!
As for other shenanigans - well, the Electric Picnic snaps that I've just added to my photo album on this site will hopefully speak for themselves.
As you'll see, it all starts off with us going shopping for booze... and then there's a snap of tower in a small village in County Antrim which, randomly, is owned by Bill Drummond of KLF fame! There's then some snaps from our epic journey down to the festival site, which saw us set off at 3.30am (don't ask!) And needless to say, it all gets a bit blurry from thereon in..!
I've also uploaded some Electric Picnic video footage to YouTube.com, as follows...
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