The Soft Bulletin

For those of you who don’t bother with the nation’s favourite waste of time – otherwise known as the social networking website Facebook! - this is the first part of a compilation of my ‘status updates’ on Facebook from the last few weeks.

Given that I don’t seem to ever find the time these days to update my blog here on www.softbulletin.co.uk, this will give those of you who are sufficiently interested in my antics a vague insight into what I’ve been up to lately…

Rich thanks everyone who's sponsored him for his appearance last week on Trafalgar Square's Fourth Plinth. The total raised is now over £300! If you'd like to add to this amount, please visit www.plinthparrot.co.uk. Rich will be keeping this site up and running until the end of the month, but will then be closing it down so he can work out a final total and get a cheque off to the National Parrot Sanctuary...

Tuesday 22^nd September 2009

Rich and Miss Brown have decided they're going to take the plunge and live together! Though to be fair, it probably won't make a huge amount of difference - after all, Em has long since assumed control of numerous aspects of domestic life within Fisher Towers.. not least her habit of filling Rich's Skyplus box with all manner of 'Make Me a Supermodel'-type programmes!

Wednesday 23rd September 2009

Rich suspects a lot of music fans will be in mourning today, following the bombshell yesterday that Cockney knees-up legends Chas & Dave have decided to split up! For Rich, the news brought back memories of an unfortunate episode back in 2007 when he himself nearly ended up getting sued by the 'Snooker Loopy' duo! Bit of a long story..!

Thursday 24^th September 2009

Rich  is really enjoying his job at the mo. Today he's doing an assembly - and he's decided to base it on the lyrics from 'Two Little Boys' by Rolf Harris! Next week meanwhile, to mark Nottingham's famous Goose Fair, Rich's class will be making model dodgems! Any empty margarine tubs, please send 'em this way..!

Friday 25^th September 2009

Rich  played footy last night wearing a pair of shorts that were once part of the Blackburn Rovers reserve team kit. Bit of a long story as to how they ended up in Rich's possession! Rich would however like to thank his brother for pointing out that the shorts may have once been worn by Robbie Savage - and furthermore, that the most punchable man in football may have also once farted in them! Cheers Al..!

Saturday 26^th September 2009

Rich  had a great night out last night with his school colleagues, and feels lucky to work with so many tremendous people. A special mention must go to the comedy genius Mrs Gospel, whose well-rehearsed 'falling backwards off stool' routine brought immense mirth to the assembled hordes! Oh, and Miss Willis too - whose recent engagement was the whole reason for the shindig in the first place..!

Sunday 27th September 2009

Rich  has discovered this weekend that he's made the news pages of the latest edition of 'Cage and Aviary Birds' magazine - his second appearance in this noble publication in a matter of weeks! The headline for the story is 'Plinth man raises cash for parrot sanctuary' - and this has tickled Rich no end. 'Plinth man' - it sounds like the name of some kind of superhero..!

Monday 28th September 2009

Rich  has had a busy weekend - so much so that it feels like he's going back to work today for a bit of a rest! Friday night was an engagement booze-up, Saturday night was a birthday booze-up... although ultimately, the most decadent event of the last few days was actually during Saturday daytime, when Rich attended a one-year-old's birthday party! Rock'n'roll..!

Tuesday 29^th September 2009

Rich  had an enormous hammer blow dealt to his masculinity last night, when he went to B&Q but couldn't locate the piece of hardware he was after - thus resulting in him having to ask a member of staff to help. Aforesaid member of staff gazed upon Rich with pity, in that way that B&Q employees are presumably trained to do whenever they encounter men who clearly know shit all about DIY and tools and stuff..!

Wednesday 30th September 2009

Rich has been reading the autobiography of Jeff Stelling, genial host of TV's 'Soccer Saturday'. Very entertaining - particularly Jeff's explanation of the format of his own show: "The programme doesn't show any actual real football. There are no goals, shots or near misses - so it's a bit like watching Derby County"!

Thursday 1^st October 2009

Rich  , now it's October, feels like the grim reaper of time is beginning to close in on that period of life known as his twenties! Significant milestones on this descent into middle age are starting to become a daily ocurrence. Last night for instance, he watched his final Forest match as a 20-something. Happily, they won 2-0. You Reds!

Friday 2^nd October 2009

Rich  is off tonight for a mooch around Nottingham's legendary Goose Fair, where he's muchly looking forward to partaking in the traditional local delicacy that is mushy peas with mint sauce! If he's feeling particularly adventurous, he may also sample another of the fair's famous delicacies - yes, the iconic 'cock on a stick'! And yes, that's cock as in 'cockerel'. Stop sniggering at the back now..!

Saturday 3^rd October 2009

Rich  and the gang muchly enjoyed their trip last night to Nottingham's legendary Goose Fair! Lots of cliches were successfully ticked off - including a visit to the freak show and its infamous two-headed trout, and Rich winning his missus a crap cuddly toy on one of the sideshows like the suave so-and-so that he quite evidently is!

Sunday 4^th October 2009

Rich is recovering from an awesome night out in Leeds celebrating his mate JHH's 30th! For the main part of the shindig, JHH had hired a private karaoke room - where several entertaining hours were spent murdering various classics! Randomly, the night also involved an encounter with notorious former international drug smuggler Howard Marks!

Monday 5^th October 2009

Rich is off to start a new week on the primary education frontline - and is hoping for a nice quiet one after the madness of last week's Goose Fair theme week! That said, aforesaid theme week saw Rich make a useful discovery - namely, that the kids in his class will all work like trojans if you tell them that a tin of mushy peas is up for grabs as a prize to the hardest worker of the day..!

Tuesday 6^th October 2009

Rich  has signed up as a volunteer to answer phones for Children in Need next month! It'll be the seventh successive year Rich has done it - & as in previous years, he's being proper hardcore and working 'All Night Long'! This gruelling shift is known to Children in Need veterans as 'the Lionel' - & in tribute, Rich is toyin...g with the idea of dressing up as Lionel Richie! Anyone know where one can buy a rubber Lionel mask?

Wednesday 7^th October 2009

Rich  is traversing his final few days of bachelorhood before Em officially moves into his house at the weekend. It's all very exciting really! Though Rich still isn't quite sure exactly how he's going to find enough space in his gaff for Miss Brown's plethora of dresses and shoes..!

Thursday 8^th October 2009

Rich wishes to purge his soul of sin, and thus hereby confesses to his latest televisual guilty pleasure - namely, Masterchef! It's quality TV - largely due to the hilarity of Greg Wallace, one of the judges. He's basically a tubby Phil Collins lookalike who's really angry all the time. Last night, it looked like he was act...ually going to smack one of the contestants just because he'd undercooked a pork chop!

Friday 9^th October 2009

Rich  went last night to see a David Bowie tribute artist! It was very entertaining, with 'Dave' starting off rocking the jumpsuit and crimson mullet of Ziggy Stardust-era Bowie... before disappearing off stage momentarily and then reappearing in the sharp suit and braces of 80s Bowie! Sadly though there was no further change to 'Gobin King from the Labyrinth' Bowie..!

Saturday 10^th October 2009

Rich  is looking forward today to catching up over lunch with his mate Charles, who's up in Nottingham on a bit of a flying visit. As well as being an all-round cool guy, Charles happens to be an enviably talented photo journalist. He has a website with loads of his photos on it that's well worth a look - if any of you are interested, it's at www.charles-fox.net/news

Sunday 11^th October 2009

Rich  and Em embark today on their first full day of living in sin, what with Miss Brown having officially moved into Fisher Towers yesterday! Happily, the big move went very smoothly, with Rich somehow managing to transport all of Em's possessions in just one trip! If cramming the most amount of stuff into a Renault Megane was an Olympic sport, Rich would definitely be a gold medallist!

Monday 12^th October 2009

Rich  has had a great weekend, spending quality time with friends and family. He also spent Sunday morning being filmed stumbling around Nottingham wearing lots of make-up, having agreed to appear as an extra in a zombie film that his mates Steve and Susan are making! Rich wore a Forest shirt whilst doing this, which will hopefully be visible in the finished film when it's completed!

Tuesday 13^th October 2009

Rich  is 30 today, and wishes to say a big thanks to everyone who's sent him birthday greetings and gifts. Miss Brown in particular has outdone herself. In honour of the fixation Rich has had with trucks ever since he first saw the film 'Convoy' on telly when he was about four, she has bought him a voucher to do a 'truck driving experience'! Ten four good buddies - watch out for them smokeys...!

Wednesday 14^th October 2009

Rich  had an awesome birthday! At work, everyone was really nice to him all day - kids included! - with some people even getting him presents! Special mention on that front must go to Mr Savage, who ceremonially presented Rich with a single Wagon Wheel! After getting home meanwhile, Rich had an epic Indian banquet cooked for him by his girlfriend! A good start then, all in all, to the dreaded thirties..!

Thursday 15^th October 2009

Rich  enjoyed watching the England footy team's 3-0 win against Belarus last night. For Rich, highlight of the match was every time the commentary team on telly mentioned the name of one of one of the Belarussian defenders - the brilliantly-Christened Igor Shitov! The campaign for Forest to sign Shitov starts here - the potential for funny songs would be endless. "You're Shitov, and you know you are.." etc!

Friday 16^th October 2009

Rich  is wondering what on earth the surprise is that his brother Al has got planned for him for tomorrow for birthday! All he's been told is is that he needs to be out of bed by 9am and ready to "go somewhere"! Knowing what Al is like, Rich is beginning to feel slightly worried..!

Saturday 17^th October 2009

Rich  is now just hours away from finding out what the surprise is that his bro has arranged to mark his 30th! With Al having had a year-and-half to plot revenge after Rich stitched him up on HIS 30th, Rich is fully braced for ritual humiliation. The sinister grin that's appeared on Al's face whenever Rich has tried to fish for info almost certainly confirms that horseplay is afoot! Watch this space..!

Sunday 18^th October 2009

Rich is very hungover but nonetheless buzzing after a brilliant day of surprises yesterday to mark his arrival at the big 30! First there was a surprise cinema screening of 'Children of the Corn', and then a surprise party - both attended by loads of Rich's friends and family, some who'd travelled a long way to be there! Huge thanks to everyone who conspired to pull all of this off - you know who you are..!

Monday 19^th October 2009

Rich is back down to earth with a bump this morning, as he drags himself out of bed at silly o'clock ready for another week of graft at the educational coalface. He can't stop smiling though about the events of the weekend! As well as all the shenanigans that took place for his birthday, there was also of course the small matter of the mighty Forest deservedly beating Newcastle on Saturday evening! You Reds..!

Tuesday 20^th October 2009

Rich  is enjoying his week at work so far. Yesterday he managed to impress an entire class of eight and nine year olds - which is not an easy thing to do, cynical little tykes that they are! Sadly though, it was Rich's successful humane capture of a wasp that had flown into the classroom that earned the kids' admiration, as opposed to any of his actual teaching..!

Wednesday 21st October 2009

Rich  is loving being a Forest fan at the mo! Last night's 1-0 win against Barnsley was the Reds' fifth success on the bounce, and puts them just a snifter away from the top of the Championship. What's more, there are few victories sweeter than those secured by an injury time winner - particularly when the scorer then gets sent off by the ref for celebrating too wildly! Guy Moussi - you are a legend!

Thursday 22^nd October 2009

Rich is currently loving the new albums by Mancunian monkey man Ian Brown and American nutjobs the Flaming Lips! It's certainly been a relief over the last week or so to discover that, when you hit your thirties, you don't suddenly lose touch with what's what in the world of music... and find yourself gravitating, as was feared, towards bland middle-of-the-road toss like Keane and David bloody Gray..!

Friday 23^rd  October 2009

Rich  has arrived a day that felt like it was never going to come - yes, it's the final day of what's been a gruelling half-term at work! Saying that, Rich is enjoying his job at the mo. His current favourite thing to do is finding tenuous excuses to put music on in the classroom. The other day for instance, Rich had the kids writing newspaper reports - and so naturally, the band Editors were duly whacked on the stereo..!

Saturday 24^th October 2009

Rich  and Em went off last night to see the Izzard - yes, Eddie Izzard, who was performing at Nottingham Arena as part of his latest stand-up tour. Verdict? Well Miss Brown loved him - but then she's long been an Izzard fan. Rich however didn't really 'get' him. Though he did call the BNP a bunch of ballbags, which makes him a sound bloke even if you don't find him that funny...

Sunday 25th October 2009

Rich  is down in deepest darkest Sussex, visiting his great friend Mr Andrew 'The Lothario' Best. Good times! Though currently, Rich isn't actually sure what bloody time it is, as he's just woken up not knowing whether his phone - which he uses to tell the time - has automatically reset itself to Greenwich Mean Time or not! A call to the speaking clock may be inminent..!

Monday 26^th October 2009

Rich  is back from Sussex after a torturous journey by train. Back in 2007, Rich travelled all the way from Beijing to Moscow on the Trans-Siberian railway. And he shits you not, but Tunbridge Wells to Nottingham last night actually felt like it took longer. If he ever hears the words 'rail replacement bus' again, Rich may actually cry..!

Tuesday 27th October 2009

Rich  went to the National Parrot Sanctuary yesterday to hand over the cash he raised through his recent plinth exploits! And chatting to the guys who run the place, there was a very amusing revelation - namely, that when Rich first visited the sanctuary with his brother Al, it apparently caused mass panic... as they'd mistaken Al for an infamous animal rights activist and thought he'd turned up to cause trouble!

Wednesday 28^th October 2009

Rich  and his bro are off to Wembley Arena tonight to see hirsuite rock legends ZZ Top! Rich has found ZZ Top hilarious ever since he was about three and first saw the video for 'Gimme All Your Lovin'! And the fact that the one non-bearded guy in the band is called Frank Beard has long been Rich's favourite piece of useless trivia...

Thursday 29^th October 2009

Rich  is pleased to report that ZZ Top rocked immensely last night at Wembley Arena! As well seeing the grizzled rock legends, Rich and his bro also went on a guided tour prior to the gig of Wembley Stadium just over the road. Amusingly, there were some Germans on the tour - so when we got to the Jules Rimet trophy it was all a bit [reverting to Jim Bowen voice] 'Look at what you could've won..'!

Friday 30^th October 2009

 Rich  is poorly - as in proper, 'coughing-his-guts-up-and-even-been-down-to-the-doctor's-and-everything ' poorly. Why is it so often the way, when you're a teacher, that you're veritable a picture of health for the entire duration of term-time - but then, as soon as the holidays come, your immune system goes to shit and you get ill?!

Saturday 31st October 2009

Rich , despite having ingested more drugs over the last few days than Pete Doherty probably does during an average weekend, is still feeling as rough as a hedgehog's ballbag. A trip up to Chester that was planned for today to partake in 30th birthday celebrations for Rich's mate Charlene has thus had to be cancelled. All in all, it is fair to say that Rich is not a happy camper at the moment...

Sunday 1^st November 2009

Rich loves his missus for many reasons, but her eye for a second-hand furniture bargain isn't one of them! This week, Em spent £60 on a wardrobe that actually fell apart when attempts were made to merely move it across the room! Efforts to fix it were fruitless, so it was decided to cut losses & head to Argos to buy ANOTHER wardrobe... & also to take the lemon Miss Brown had been sold down the tip. Expensive lessons!

Monday 2nd November 2009

Rich  is ready to head into work bright and early for the start the new school half-term, having made a Lazarus-like recovery over the last 24-hours or so from the nasty chest infection that's plagued him for most of his week off. As always, Rich's holiday beard has been shaved off so he looks nice and smart on his return to the office - though he does have imminent plans afoot on the face furniture front..!

Tuesday 3rd November 2009

Rich  went to Nottingham's Savoy cinema last night to see the Michael Jackson 'This Is It' movie. Worth a look. After his last trip to the Savoy though a few weeks ago, Rich found it a bit dull going there on his own free will - as opposed to being dragged there blindfolded, and then being forced to face one of his biggest childhood fears by being made to watch a horror flick about sinister children in the Deep South..!

Wednesday 4^th November 2009

Rich  and some of his pals, given that November has now been officially renamed Movember, have committed themselves to spending the entire month attempting to grow moustaches! This cultivation of facial topiary is all to raise money for a fantastic charity - for more info and to donate, go to http://uk.movember.com and search for 'rich fisher'

Thursday 5^th November 2009

Rich is lying in a darkened bedroom feeling pretty poorly, having had a bastard of a headache yesterday that wouldn't go away and ended up developing a full-blown migraine. Being ill is officially rubbish, and Rich is feeling pretty miserable. Anyone know any good jokes that might cheer him up?

Friday 6^th November 2009

Rich is still off work recovering from the humdinger of a migraine he had on Wednesday night. He's starting to feel better though, and is also in much better spirit than he was yesterday - largely thanks to the stellar response he got to his appeal for people to send him jokes to cheer him up. Big thanks to Marc, Robin, Andrew, Lisa and Max for their best comedy efforts..!

Saturday 7^th November 2009

Rich  is just about back in the land of the living, and is looking forward to heading out later to watch Forest play Bristol City. One drawback though of the recent development whuch saw Miss Brown ditch her old flat in order to come and co-habit with Rich at Fisher Towers is the fact that Rich no longer has the luxury of a parking space just a few minutes' walk from the ground. Where is he going to park?!

Rich has just uploaded a selection of new photos to the web - an album titled 'Wembley Stadium, ZZ Top and other autumn shenanigans'.

If you're reading this note on Rich's website, www.softbulletin.co.uk, then simply go to the photo section of the site to view these snaps. If, on the other hand, you're reading this note on Facebook - well, simply click here to be redirected to www.softbulletin.co.uk

Rich has just uploaded a selection of new photos to the web - an album titled 'Epic celebrations for Rich's 30th birthday'.

If you're reading this note on Rich's website, www.softbulletin.co.uk, then simply go to the photo section of the site to view these snaps. If, on the other hand, you're reading this note on Facebook - well, simply click here to be redirected to www.softbulletin.co.uk.