The Soft Bulletin

For those of you who don’t bother with the nation’s favourite waste of time – otherwise known as the social networking website Facebook! - this is a compilation of my ‘status updates’ on Facebook from the last few weeks.

Given that I don’t seem to ever find the time these days to update my blog here on www.softbulletin.co.uk, this will give those of you who are sufficiently interested in my antics a vague insight into what I’ve been up to lately…

Monday 1^st June 2009

Rich  can't quite believe the half-term holiday is over and that he's back to work again today. It's been good to have a breather, though the last week hasn't been as productive as Rich had hoped in termsof getting his class's end of year reports written. Most desperate action in the name of work avoidance? Cleaning the oven..!

Tuesday 2^nd June 2009

Rich  is looking forward to this weekend, when he shall be making a flying visit to Kazakhstan - land of Borat, lest we forget! - to watch the England footy team play the Kazakh national team in a World Cup qualifier match! He may even be getting a game himself..!

Thursday 3^rd June 2009

Rich  is amused by a news story that his mate Rachel has drawn his attention to, that appeared recently in her local newspaper over in Norwich. Apparently, a bloke in that part of the world has been sent to prison for being repeatedly caught shoplifting "significant quantities" of cheese!

Thursday 4^th June 2009

Rich  , simple soul that he is, is buggered if he actually understands what today's European Parliamentary elections are all about. Nevertheless, he still approves of them wholeheartedly - as with his school being used as a polling station, he gets a day off work!

Friday 5^th June 2009

Rich  is looking forward to 3pm today, when he will be downing tools and hotfooting it down to Gatwick - ready to fly off to Kazakhstan for the weekend! Oh, and he bagged five goals at five-a-side last night, so he's feeling confident about his appearance for the England fans' team against the Kazakh fans, prior to the actual Kazakhstan v England game!

Friday 5^th June 2009 (later in the day!)

Rich  is feeling a bit frazzled after a laborious crawl along the M25 almost led to him missing the check-in for his flight to Kazakhstan! Happily though he made it within a whisker, and is now in the departure lounge eagerly awaiting his return to one of his favourite countries on last year's Mongol Rally escapade..!

Saturday 6^th June 2009

Rich  has arrived safely in Kazakhstan. Amusingly, there are a gang of England fans who have driven here - some of them in a black London taxi. Naturally, Rich cannot even begin to imagine what would possess anyone to drive thousands of miles all the way to Central Asia..!

Sunday 7^th June 2009

Rich  is back home from Kazakhstan! Amazing trip. Sadly, him and rest of the England fans' team wilted in the baking heat and lost 3-0 to the Kazakh fans. They did however sing the national anthem with a great deal more gusto when the two teams lined up before kick-off than actual England team did a few hours later! Oh, and Rich got interviewed on national Kazakh TV too [though not by Borat, before any of you ask..!]

Monday 8^th June 2009

Rich is about to head off back to work bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for an early Monday morning start, scarcely able to believe that he was only 250 miles from China around Saturday teatime! Photos from his Kazakhstan trip can now be viewed online - www.softbulletin.co.uk is the place to go iif anyone's interested...

Tuesday 9^th June 2009

Rich  is feels like he's drowning at the moment in a choppy sea of report-writing, planning, marking, and all sorts of other work-related nonsense. Still, he's happy, cos he went to see his pal Andrea yesterday in hospital - and it was fantastic to see that she appears - touch wood - to be making great strides on her road to recovery...

Wednesday 10^th June 2009

Rich is hoping that the rain holds off today, so as not to scupper his school's sports day! If it goes ahead, Rich himself has been entrusted with the responsibility of being in charge of the most noble athletic event of them all - yes, wellie wanging..!

Thursday 11^th June 2009

Rich  is well chuffed for his girlfriend's sister and her fella, who this week became proud parents for the first time! Big congratulations then to Laura and James - and a cheery welcome to this crazy world to wee baby Archie..!

Friday 12^th June 2009

Rich  is somewhat bewildered by the discovery this week that there's a photo of him on the Wikipedia page for the Sky Sports TV programme Soccer AM. It's from when him and his bro and others appeared on the show as 'Fans of the week'...

Saturday 13^th June 2009

Rich  is excited, as today he's off to meet the baby for the first time. He very much hopes that wee Archie bucks the trend and proves that all babies DON'T look like tiny versions of Phil Mitchell from EastEnders...

Sunday 14^th June 2009

Rich  has spent most of this weekend hunched over his laptop writing end-of-year school reports for the kids in his class. He has 30 children, and five pages of guff to write about each child - needless to say, it feels like it's taking bloody forever..!

Monday 15^th June 2009

Rich  wonders if it's a bit wrong that he is so entertained whenever he happens to stumble upon one of those magazines full of 'real life stories', like Take a Break and Chat? He's just been perusing one that includes such gems as 'Dumped over a doughnut!' and 'I was so fat I got stuck in the bath'..!

Tuesday 16^th June 2009

Rich  is happy to see in the local news that the eejit who vandalised the Brian Clough statue a few weeks ago has been sent to prison for his misdemeanours. Though perhaps a stint stood outside the City Ground on a Forest matchday wearing a sandwich board emblazoned with 'I vandalised the Cloughie statue' would've been a more fitting punishment..!

Wednesday 17^th June 2009

Rich  is looking forward today to the football fixtures for the new season being published! He is particularly keen to find out when the mighty Forest will be playing freshly relegated Newcastle! And also of course their esteemed sheep-bothering local rivals Derby...

Friday 19^th June 2009

Rich , for the second time in the space of a fortnight, is going to work today dressed as a Forest legend! Two weeks ago, Rich's school had 'dress up as a sporting hero' day - so perhaps predictably he went as Brian Clough. Today meanwhile, it's 'dress up as a piece of fruit' day - and so naturally, it's a perfect excuse to be Jason 'Pineapple Head' Lee for the day!

Saturday 20^th June 2009

Rich  is highly entertained by the fact that his girlfriend is currently reading a Jilly Cooper novel! So far it appears to be ticking off all the expected cliches - lots of tweed-wearing horsey people, and a 'cad' with a double-barrelled surname who keeps spiriting away the heroine for illicit moonlit romps in the haybarn..!

Sunday 21^st June 2009

Rich  is having a cool weekend. It has thus far involved watching his brother have a white-knuckle ride in a stunt plane, and multiple plates of the finest risotto ever, courtesy of Miss Brown! Best of all though, he found out yesterday that his pals Ruddo and Diane are finally getting married after 13 years together! Congratulations guys!

Monday 22^nd June 2009

Rich  is amused by his girlfriend's bizarre phobia of people eating boiled sweets whilst travelling in a car! Does anyone know of any stranger fears?

Tuesday 23^rd June 2009

Rich  went to the cinema last night to see the movie 'Looking for Eric'. Regardless of what you think of Manchester United and Eric Cantona, it's really entertaining. Favourite bit of dialogue? Main character: "Can you remember Nottingham Forest?" Eric Cantona: "No."

Wednesday 24^th June 2009

Rich  is feeling a bit sad - because once upon a time in his life, the last Wednesday in June was always the day when he'd be heading off to Glastonbury for five days of madness. Alas though, the annual pilgrimage to Worthy Farm is no longer do-able now he's a teacher. Have a good one though, all of those of you who are going..!

Wednesday 24^th June 2009 (later in the day)

Rich  is still grumpy about the fact that he's not going to Glastonbury this year, but has been cheered up muchly by the news this afternoon of Em having sailed through her driving test - thus joining Rich himself in the elite ranks of those who can claim to having passed first time! Big congratulations honeypie..!

Thursday 25^th June 2009

Rich  is looking forward to his day at work today! The morning is going to be a normal sort of morning in the classroom - however, in the afternoon, him a one of the kids in his class are gonna be bunking off to go and schmooze with the Lord Mayor of Nottingham!

Friday 26^th June 2009

Rich  , having been awoken by a sudden deluge of text messages from various friends, guesses he now WON'T be going to see Michael Jackson at the 02 Arena in London on the evening of Sunday August 30th..!

Saturday 27^th June 2009

Rich  & Em just had their own Glasto in the comfort of Rich's house! The evening began watching lots of ace bands on BBC interactive whilst quaffing pear cider and wearing wellies! They then went off to get spiritual by the stone circle - a few bricks laid out by the back door - before retiring to Rich's tent, which is set up in the garden!

If you're reading this note on Rich's website, www.softbulletin.co.uk, then simply go to the photo section of the site to view these snaps. If, on the other hand, you're reading this note on Facebook - well, simply click here to be redirected to www.softbulletin.co.uk...

For those of you who don’t bother with the nation’s favourite waste of time – otherwise known as the social networking website Facebook! - this is a compilation of my ‘status updates’ on Facebook from the last few weeks.

Given that I don’t seem to ever find the time these days to update my blog here on www.softbulletin.co.uk, this will give those of you who are sufficiently interested in my antics a vague insight into what I’ve been up to lately…

Tuesday 12^th May 2009

Rich  was excited yesterday when Miss Brown asked him to meet her at the Joshua Tree. "Wow," he thought, "a trip to the Nevada desert!" Turns out though that she actually meant the posh hair salon in West Bridgford called the Joshua Tree, not the actual thing itself! Doh. Still, they've done a lovely job on Miss Brown's hair..!

Thursday 14^th May 2009

Rich 's blender has been dramatically dethroned this week as his favourite kitchen gadget, thanks to Em buying him an electric bread knife! It's genius - literally the best present since sliced bread! (Boom boom..!)

Friday 15^th May 2009

Rich  has been helping keep the wolf from the door by flogging stuff on eBay! Only thing is, he now has the ballache of having to get everything parcelled up and posted off. Anyone got any bubblewrap kicking around that they don't need?

Sunday 17^th May 2009

Rich  missed Eurovision last night for the first time in years - a boycott of sorts, out of protest over the lack of the legendary Wogan. Other people's status updates however are suggesting it was a good 'un - anyone care to fill Rich in on all the dirt?

Monday 18^th May 2009

Rich  and Em are both so poor that, yesterday, they both resorted to using one of those Coinstar machines in Tesco to cash in a load of 1 and 2p coins accumulated over a long period of time! Excitingly, they made £14!

Tuesday 19^th May 2009

Rich  , whilst already being very fond of his new car, was horrified the other day when he noticed that his rear numberplate is branded with the name of a vehicle dealership in Derby - presumably the place where his motor was first sold when it was brand new. Not wanting to appear to the world to be a sheepshagger, Rich has cunningly stuck a small piece of gaffa tape over the word 'Derby'!

Wednesday 20^th May 2009

Rich  has got a woman from the Local Education Authority coming into his school today to watch him teach a lesson. He desperately hopes that his planned session with the kids on instruction writing doesn't end up being a woeful crock of shit...

Thursday 21^st May 2009

Rich  is amused about the fact that the small village where his friends live in Northern Ireland had made news headlines, due to strange goings on involving every single resident being sent an anonymous handwritten letter! For the full dirt, go to YouTube and search on 'Mysterious Letters', and you will find a BBC news report about the whole hoohah..!

Friday 22^nd May 2009

Rich  had something genius happen at work yesterday. At his school, there's a boy who he taught last year, whose dad runs a pizza shop. And yesterday morning, cos I'd been joking with him for ages that he should bring some pizzas in for me, he arrived at my classroom door laden with TWO 12 inch 'veggie explosions'!

Saturday 23^rd May 2009

Rich  is deeply unamused by the fact that the Brian Clough statue got vandalised this week. Whoever it was that did it, may your next poo be a very large and gnarly pineapple...

Sunday 24^th May 2009

Rich  , as a die-hard Forest fan, is feeling slightly soiled - because last night, he went for a night out in the enemy heartland of Derby! It was actually a really good night, and the place wasn't quite as 'Village of the Damned' as Rich had expected...

Monday 25^th May 2009

Rich  is limbering up to tick off more Bank Holiday cliches! Yesterday he had a barbeque - complete with the genius seating arrangements otherwise known as dragging one of your sofas outside! Today, meanwhile, he's planning to do some DIY!

Tuesday 26^th May 2009

Rich  , whilst accepting that you shouldn't really revel in the misfortune of others, has been seriously amused by Newcastle United and smug Alan Shearer's pitiful slump into the footballing abyss otherwise known as the Championship. Forest v Newcastle next season - bring it on!

Wednesday 27^th May 2009

Rich  is enjoying the breather from work otherwise known as half-term, and is amused by the news that Forest are apparently trying to sign a player called Paul McKenna! Endless potential there for amusing headlines..!

Thursday 28^th May 2009

Rich  , whilst not disputing that Alex Ferguson is a great manager, would like to remind him that, after last night's game, he still hasn't managed to achieve in over 20 years at Manchester United something that Cloughie accomplished in his first five years at Forest - namely, back to back European Cups...

Friday 29^th May 2009

Rich  is feeling sad but trying desperately hard to think positive thoughts in the hope that it'll somehow subliminally help a very dear friend of his, who got taken into hospital yesterday and is now apparently 'critically ill'...

Saturday 30^th May 2009

Rich  will be mostly distracting himself today by going to watch a friend drive a Ferrari, and then watching Everton hopefully win the FA Cup final on telly. Oh, and he's also meeting Miss Brown's dad for the first time! His sphincter is slightly atwitch..!

Sunday 31^st May 2009

Rich  is proud of his pal Andrea - who, though still very poorly in hospital, is starting to show encouraging signs of getting better, much to the amazement of the doctors and nurses, who had gently warned us all to brace ourselves for the worst...